Who Pays?
Topic: mid-life dating
Gloria Steinham at This Late Date?

If you are a baby boomer, you’ve experienced the diverse shticks of both Donna Reed and Gloria Steinem, and if that’s not enough to give you a permanent hangover, there’s a whole lot of confusion left over when it comes to dating behavior and who pays. Most women I know have wrist’s as limp as Mrs. Field’s chocolate chip cookies when it comes to picking up the check. These are independent, professional women of my generation, who know that women are equal to men, yet when it comes to paying on date, are mired with confusion, and in their hearts, suspect that Donna Reed had the right idea.
My son who is twenty-four, and oblivious the whole feminist movement, has been taking girls out and picking up the tab since he was fifteen, yet when I queried my daughter on the subject, she retorted, “Didn't the feminist movement teach you anything? It's about equality and economics. Both parties should either take turns paying or split equally-OR- if one party has more money and is WILLING to front the bill more often, they should. It has nothing to do with gender. It's nice to be paid for, but it's unfair to expect it.”
This appeals to my higher self, the one with really great ideals, but the truth is, that my quirky inner child, the one who was actually raised by Betty Crockstein, likes to be taken out for sushi. I believe in give and take, and of course, equality, but as a general rule, I think that the person in the higher tax bracket gets the bill, or at least a higher percentage of it. Just to be clear, this isn’t something you discuss on a first date, and if a man has any intentions of seeing a woman again, he should pick up the check.
First date behavior is unique. If, on that special night, a guy invites me to dinner and asks me to pay, he’s history. It’s simple manners that have nothing to do with feminism. If someone does the inviting, that someone is the host. I also just happen to think that that someone might want to make a good impression on the first date, because if not then, well, when? If I offer to contribute, and he ungraciously accepts, it’s the kiss of death. BUT if he has bored me silly, then I will INSIST on paying my share; telegraphing my message that this is a one time only event.
Besides being from Toledo, the same home town as Gloria Steinem, I have always admired her vision and forthright independence. That said, I do think that dating was much less confusing before she raised my consciousness. But her seemingly indelible mark is still a part of me, and in some cases like my daughter’s, the next generation’s too. Even with that, I admit to an occasional slippage into the Donna Reed comfort zone, and will tell you in no uncertain terms, the sushi there is great.